Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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