you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
