I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
accomplished twins. life is a go
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
