just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
