4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
