real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
BRING THE BAGELS
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
