I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
