you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
