Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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