you guys were way drunker than both of me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
