Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
