sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
