She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
