38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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