Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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