we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
