Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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