Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just cropdusted the office
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
