We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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