i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
