Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
