I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
