Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
