I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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