I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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