Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
