You were right. It hurts to walk today.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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