i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish my penis had an off switch
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
