Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I can text with my tongue
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
