You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
