true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
should my penis look like a turkey
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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