I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
