Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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