I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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