And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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