Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
