i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When did angry sex become our thing?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
