He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
