I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
