I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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