Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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