dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
