yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
