I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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