I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
