i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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