Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
