Whod you bang
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
