the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im six kinds of drunk right now
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
