i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
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