I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
and she was petting her beer can
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
