I want to make a zoo with you.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
