Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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