I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
