I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
