I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
