Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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