I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
