i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
