Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize