Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
