I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
