My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
