i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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