she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
