Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize