I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
