The brown eye won't let me do that either.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
