I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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