I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
