awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
