I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
