He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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