it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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