He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We left an ass print on the piano.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
