He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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