ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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