dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize