watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
