This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
